There seems to be a predominant message in the circles that I occasionally engage with that places the value of a woman on her ability and choice to get a degree and have a career. I'm sure that it comes as a result of our shared frustration with another (also harmful) message that the value of a woman should be placed on her ability and choice to get married, stay home, and have kids.
I'm tired of both of these unhelpful ways of looking at things.
They are both inherently unfair to women.
Some women WANT to stay single, get a degree, have a career, and not have kids.
Some women WANT to get a degree, have a career, AND have kids.
Some women WANT to get married, stay home, have kids, and NOT have a career.
Some women WANT to get married, stay home, have kids, and have a side job.
Some women want some other kind of mix of these things.
Some women don't want any of it and want something entirely different.
Some women WANT to do any combination of these things but are unable to for one reason or another. (Hot take - we don't always get what we want in life.)
Can we all just accept and honor the fact that ALL women (and all humans) inherently have value and worth, NO MATTER WHAT they choose or are able to "produce" in this world?
Every woman matters.
Every woman has the right to own her own life and her own story.
Life is complicated and complex.
There are no easy answers or solutions for any of us.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to life.
We all have to make decisions that feel best for us, using the tools and resources we personally have available.
Yes, I am completely in favor of doing whatever it takes to create a world that is equal and fair for ALL people. And yes, I am completely in favor of calling out systems and behaviors that keep a woman (and all people) from being able to listen to their own wisdom as they make choices for their own lives, BUT can we please stop shaming those who make choices different from our own?
Shame is just gross no matter what form it takes.
Lots of love,