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How To Get Anything You Want

I recorded this blogpost because I'm pretty passionate about this, as you can tell. :)

(Sarcasm alert...)

I'm glad you clicked on this blogpost because I need to tell you a little secret.

It's called the law of attraction.

It's an actual "law" so you better pay close attention here.

All you do is simply follow these few simple steps and you can get anything you want.


You want to get pregnant?

You want to have a million dollars?

You want to meet your perfect soulmate?

You want to find the perfect house?

You want to find the perfect job?

You want to have the perfect, healthy body?

You want your dying husband to get better?

No worries.

Just think good thoughts.

Just think your desires into existence.

Match your vibration to the energy of those things you desire, then surrender, let go, and watch the universe DELIVER.

Surely, it will happen.

If it doesn't, you must be doing something very, very wrong, so make sure you go back and read all the instructions more carefully next time.

Make sure you are following ALL the steps.

Never block the flow of the vibrations of all the things you want.

You know, the flow.



Constantly check and double check the steps until you are sure you are doing them all right.

But also, don't think too much about it all because you might disturb the flow.

Read books if you need to understand the steps better.

Whatever it takes.

Make sure you watch YouTube videos and read books and blogs written and created by people who already have everything they want because they are the ones who are going to make sure you know all the steps they followed, which means you will know how to do all the things the actual right way.

Make sure you are super, SUPER sure you know exactly what you really want because if you end up wanting the wrong things, you will end up getting the wrong things.

Also, ignore all those people in your life who are going through super hard things because they are toxic to you and just vibrating at a lower level and will mess with your good vibes and block all the amazing things that are about to come your way. You should love them, though, just don't be around them, talk to them, or associate with their negative energy.

Once you really, really, REALLY follow all the steps right, you will get everything you want.

The universe is about to deliver all that you desire because you've learned this special life secret - and also you deserve it.

If the universe, by some chance, doesn't actually deliver all that you desire, then you either did something wrong (like wanted your wants too much or didn't want them enough) or something even better and MORE amazing will come along (like if you wanted a baby but you didn't get one, you will probably end up getting pregnant with twins pretty soon).

Oh, and I forgot to tell you that you may not be doing enough actual work because the universe does also expect you to work. You know, it would be crazy to think that the universe would just give you everything you want without actually working super, super hard for it (but not too hard because then you would block the vibrational flow by trying too hard).

Got it?

If you still don't end up getting everything you want, make sure you are never sad, angry, or fearful in any way and just try to think even more positive thoughts and vibrate with the highest, most pure, and absolute best energies possible or maybe let go and surrender with much more muchness. (You know, try really, really hard to not want what you actually want or maybe try to not try at all, but make sure you are super sure you know what you actually want by thinking it into existence, but also make sure you let go and surrender and don't think too hard and want it too much.)

Do this all again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

Until you have everything you want.

(CAN YOU SEE THE ABSURDITY IN THIS BELIEF SYSTEM? UGH!! In case you didn't pick up on the sarcasm here, I think this type of law of attraction thinking destroys relationships and our own mental health. We shame ourselves and others when we inevitably don't get "everything" we want in life. Do yourself a favor and learn about real-life healthy mindsets and life coping strategies like CBT and ACT, add a dash of healthy, honest hope, gratitude, and optimism, and ditch the promises that are coming to you from people with immense privilege.

Also, if there is actually something magical and mystical going on - which I can't say there isn't, because you know, nobody has everything all figured out - let's just agree to be good, decent, compassionate humans and recognize that we can't actually control everything.

Lots of love,


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